Do you remember what a Verb is? You know. It’s an action word. It’s not a person, place, or thing. It’s the “doing” part of any sentence structure. At least, it is when I write, and I’ve written a lot!
My bride and I were chatting the other day, and this is something we’ve known about each other, we do not have many really close friends. There’s no one I would call and take off with into the forest on a hunting trip, and there’s no one she would call to make a run to the store for some downtime of shopping. There’s no one we go to plays with or even travel with.
For the most part, we are each our own friend,
true to the other and enjoying one another’s company immensely.
Other than our kids that we get to see infrequently, we don’t even have a family to hang out with! It’s just us, and since it’s just us then we want to be the best friend each other can have.
Someone asked me just last week, and this happens often, “…how do you have such a successful marriage?” After nearly 45 years of commitment, I can truly say that’s it’s been simple. Marry your best friend! It’s my common answer, but it’s true. . .
We each have friends that spread over the years and across the miles,
but the truest friend we have is each other!
Generally, the second question of lasting marriage falls along the line regarding the “division of labor”. You know. Woman’s work vs Man’s work. I can thank my mom for this perspective, and I’m sure it was a result of her raising, but, we learned there was no such thing as gender work roles. There were four kids in the house, 3 boys, 1 girl, and we all learned to do everything, and anything. Washing, sewing buttons, vacuuming, mowing the yard, planting, tearing down a wall with a sledgehammer, building, cooking, dishes, cutting down trees, making the bed…. Get my drift? Us four learned to do everything, and anything!
Let me say it like this.
We learned to do everything and anything
and were not afraid of what others thought.
In my home, and the way life is these days, we each just do what needs to be done, and if we don’t feel like it then the other generally picks up the loose ends and handle the task. There are things my bride does way better, and more conscientiously than I… I’m okay with that! Why? There are things she leaves alone for me to do and that’s my thing to add to the relationship.
P.S. She doesn’t need tractor time as I do! Nor does she feel the urge to drive distances as I do, but she does enjoy road trips!
When it was time for kids, then her mothering instinct was greater than mine, her skills were honed for the needs of the home, and she was content to do what was required for the kids to have her full attention! She was off work for over 10 years until both kids were full time in school, then she worked her career and will retire soon with 30+ years at the same company that goes from Texas to Alaska, and finally a close-out in Washington!
When God called me to a role of pastoring, she knows full well how important this role is and she doesn’t try to do what my skill and calling are uniquely aligned to. It’s somewhat a lonely calling, but it does fit my skill set, gifts, and ability.
At the same time, we learned a long time ago, quit comparing ourselves to others, and quit comparing them to us. We are all unique, and uniquely different! Remember, you are the only one that has your DNA, and when you pair up with another unique DNA then your joint team is totally different than everyone else!
Here’s my thought today. When we said, “I do” (remember, it’s a verb) we didn’t think of our relationship as a 50/50 deal. Rather, we poured everything we had into it for the benefit of self, other, and the team. 100% involved in success! There are tasks better suited for the other, but we don’t hesitate to simply be the one to do whatever, because the other person may simply need a break!
I wonder if this is what’s missing in the church today. I’m talking about the church at large, and not a single location. Some say I’m done doing, it’s time for someone else to pick up the load! Or. I’ve done my share, here, you do it! Or. That’s not my gifting. Find someone else. Or… Well, this is a long list. I hope you catch the gist. Some simply need to show up and that’s the biggest action they have the ability to commit to. We should be okay with this, but it often means a greater load on others. Ever hear of the 80/20 concept? It’s the 20% that does the most and carries the largest financial needs of the church.
Catch my drift for a moment…
What if we all treated the needs of the church at large as I’ve been talking about my bride and me. We simply rolled our sleeves and got busy doing whatever there is to be done to the best of our ability. Eventually, someone will find their calling and you’ll be able to back up and let them do, all the while you’re looking for whatever next task you can handle.
Perhaps this begins at the top. If more “leaders” would simply roll up their sleeves and step into the moment and do whatever needs to be done, perhaps more would be challenged to find their own calling, utilize their own gifting, and help carry the enormous load of “being” the church!
Too many leaders think:
I’m now the BOSS! I get to tell others what to do! Victory! I win!
Then, they rest on their laurels because they reached the pinnacle of their dreams. But, were they a leader? Or simply a boss?
Leaders don’t simply stand in front of the crowd. They are part of the crowd and are often found to be in the middle of the crowd of those who are called to be a part of the solution.
Example. I remember my pastor (Brett Jones) saying and showing and living these principles. In a leadership meeting, he shared that there was nothing to low for him to handle, and if he stepped up and stepped in (literally) then others would find an example to follow, and then they would be encouraged to do the same thing. The church was on a septic system and when it broke, he was the first one there with a shovel, mop, and whatever it took to fix and repair. When the bus had a blowout, he was the first out and working to change the tire regardless of the stress and dress of the moment.
He had the “beeper” and if something was needed, he was “beeped”!
I've watched too many leaders tell others what to do and not be willing to do the task themselves. That's not how I view Leadership. That's a boss.To me, Leaders Do. They foster altitude with their verb of doing! Click To TweetIt was the Apostle Paul speaking in my favorite epistle of his, when he told the church how to respond to the needs of the day.
The things which you learned and received
and heard and saw in me,
these do,
and the God of peace will be with you.
(Philippians 4:9 NKJV)
Notice the verb (action words) Learned from him. Received from him. Heard from him… And saw the results of what was poured into him. Then simply repeated his example. Do.
I’m not blindly stating what I believe. I want to Do what I believe in. It takes generations to change Perspectives. Algorithms need to be modified to fit this mold. We need to THIMK it through!
Then, we need to simply Do.