This is Father’s Day Weekend. And there are many brand new fathers out there who are for the very first time wearing a brand new title. Father. Dad. Daddy. Pops. Or whatever endearing colloquial term is common in your house, culture or family.
You stand before an audience of people who will watch how you become, and you will be looked at by the future by how well you did your job! If you are a new father then the audience is small, but someday it will be huge!
From this time forward you will always be a Father. Even when your child reaches those teenage years of angst where the focus of their own identity is being forged, and even if they deny your parentage, you are still a Father. You will be a Father even if you outlive your child.
This is a badge you will wear for eternity.
Think about it. Genealogically speaking, some odd hundred years in the future, someone will research their own heritage and find out that you are a great (times 10) Grand Father to them. See! You will never lose your label!
Age has nothing to do with the title or the role. Consider Abraham.
When Abram was ninety-nine years old,
the LORD appeared to Abram and said to him,
“I am Almighty God; walk before Me and be blameless.
And I will make My covenant between Me and you,
and will multiply you exceedingly.”
Then Abram fell on his face,
and God talked with him, saying:
“As for Me, behold, My covenant is with you,
and you shall be a father of many nations.
No longer shall your name be called Abram,
but your name shall be Abraham;
for I have made you a father of many nations.
(Genesis 17:1-5 NKJV)
See! He was 99 and childless, but God gave him a promise of a lineage that would not only be with the child born of his loins but for generations and through many nations, he will be called the Father. Today, he is recognized as a Father figure to Jews and Christians through Isaac, the son born from Abraham’s union with his wife, Sarah. To Muslims, Abraham is their Father figure through the son, Ishmael, born of the union of Abraham and Hagar. Multiple nations and many generations. Abraham is a Father of people around the world!
This brings me quickly to my point.
What is a Father? Biologically, there is only one way you can father offspring, but the label of fatherhood is more than this simple act. Dictionaries may clarify this role by defining father as a “male who has begotten a child”, or a “male ancestor”, or a sire, as it relates to ancient history or even the animal kingdom. The concept of the father is the one who brings seed to the womb of the one who will bear the child to birth. But the role of a Father is more than just the seed.
Now. To be a good Father, well that’s the key. There are plenty of men out there who do not wear their mantle well. It could be they did not have a good example before them, or they were in a culture where men were not involved in the rearing and raising of their offspring. It could simply be their genetic makeup that keeps them out of the role of being a Dad and only be part of the biological puzzle.
Most Father’s look at their calling in hindsight and say, “If only I had…” and then the litany of what-if’s start pouring out of their mind as they wish they had done things differently, or better.
Regardless, a Father is someone that future generations will look to for guidance and understanding of life’s big decisions, work ethics, maturity, love and how to make good choices… Now… Before you deny this idea, think for a moment. If your own Father figure did not prove a good lens to life, who did you look to for this role to be fulfilled in your choices? Some only have their peers to turn to, and others may get a lopsided view of life from some disjointed connection of a neighbor, coach, teacher or boss. The lessons they learn may not be what you want them to acquire. The sadness of this? There are many who have never had a good lesson in Fatherhood and they must make their own way into the future without the guidance. Time will tell what their choices will produce.
While working the yard this past week I stumbled upon some words that I know I learned from my own dad. Have you ever heard – “Well. I’ll swan.”? Dad often used it in moments of exasperation or frustration or even questioning what this world is coming to! I think. But it’s a form that comes from a historical time that essentially said, “Well. I swear…” without using any swear words! In fact, I never remember my Dad using vulgar language that so many find endearing and normal in the words of today! And that’s my heritage. Language is controllable and you don’t have to be like everyone else! Boy Howdy!
I just called mom and asked for more of these colloquial utterances. It’s hard to have a long conversation with dad on the phone! So, they are working on a list for me!
I have many of my dad’s traits, characteristics, and if you know him (as some of you do) then you have even commented to me how much like my dad I am. From hair (his is wavier than mine) to voice (sings better than I do), hearing issues (his are real while mine are acquired) and even to mannerisms (I find myself mimicking him without realizing it). Since I am his eldest and have been around him longer than my siblings, I guess it’s only normal that I have more experience with him than they do!
For all the ways I am like him, there are many ways I am not. He grew up in a share-cropper life in East Texas, one of 9 kids, with many a lesson learned from hard living that I did not have to learn. Through the years he and mom worked hard to provide a better life for their kids. While it may be true that money did not grow on trees, I never remember being hungry, or not having a roof to sleep under, or not having a good, durable set of jeans to wear that became cutoff’s when the knees finally gave way. Dad would tell tales of the lack of things that we took for granted and it makes me realize how hard he worked to make our lives so much better. I mean, I never took a whole onion in my syrup “lunch” bucket to school with a slice of bread, but according to him, that was easily a part of what his wholesome lunch would look like.
If I remember much of my dad during those younger years it’s how hard he worked, and how easily he sweated! (I am just like him on the moisture front!) In my mind, I have this memory of him mowing the yard in the hot humid summer just outside my window while I’m supposed to be taking a nap. Push mower. Sweating. Dripping sweat. Of course, you would have to see his mom and how hard she worked and sweated to understand where he got it from! Generationally, someone in our past had the genetic disposition to cool off by learning how to sweat, and that doesn’t always work well in your present, or in a very humid place.
I wonder, can you drown from too much water on the skin that comes from glands that simply ooze water?
If you have a Father that you can connect with this weekend, then make this a special time of connection for memories that you will cherish in the future. If you have a Father Figure that made a difference in your life, then give honor where honor is due. If you are a Father, then think through the lessons you’ve learned, what you want to pass on, and spend quality time with your offspring.
Here are some key points to think about sharing this weekend.
Lessons learned do not come from just one source. If you can track backward in time, or sideways with experience, then you have an opportunity to understand why you are like you are. You get to pick certain things of your life to agree to, and to others, you stand up and say No! You can break the habits of old, but you must be responsible and accountable for choosing new habits for the future!
Lessons taught span distance and time. It is a good thing to teach from history (I remember when…did I tell you about my grandpa…) as well as what you are living for the future. Since we are all migratory in some fashion, think about the distance where your heritage came from, and where your lineage is going to. Just as distance changes us from who we were, time will change us to what we will become.
Remember when are good things to share. We have so little time to impact the present with those good memories of old, nor do we always have good memories to share forward, so, learn to make memories that can someday be recalled as “remember when…”.
Pass along treasures to your children. I have a special memory of my dad, a gift given to him by mom on their wedding day. At the same time, I have a special memory of my mom’s dad (granddad) given to him by my grandmother on their one year anniversary. Combined with the gift given by my bride to me on my birthday the year we got married. I have a singular group of treasures that will someday be passed to someone who will care.
Accept well wishes well. Be it ever so humble, there’s nothing better than a phone call or a visit from your children. If you have a Father to call or visit, then learn to give thanks for their years of life lived before you.
So. Build a good audience with good choices and share your experiences often. That’s how we move forward!