Stroking the Thought of the Night

I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night for ages. Unable to return to slumber, my mind races through yesterday’s successes and failures. I’m not stuck in the past. Today’s overwhelming and outstanding tasks loom heavy. Forget about tomorrow! There are enough struggles to get through today!

In these more modern times,
a thought pops up, zaps everything else,
and I’m compelled to explore.
Think. Analyze. Then write.
Maybe I should focus on doing something about it…
No. Let’s write about it instead.

There’s nothing wrong with this cycle. I’ve been through it many times. This morning? Wait. Middle of the night? It started at 3:30 a.m. Wake up. What’s wrong? Nothing. Take a trip to the bathroom. Look at the bed where the next few hours will be tossing and turning. Don’t wake up the wife. Go to the living room.

What’s going on?

I label the thought in my mind. Now, to the dining table where my computer awaits. I must collect all my thoughts lest I lose one of them. It’s an analytical writing hour. Only, this time it’s different. A label pops up in my mind, and I dislike labels! Is it true? Could this be the reason for not getting back to sleep? What is it?

Fear

This morning, it hit me why we fail at succeeding many times. Fear. I’m not talking about the fear of walking into dark places, spiders, speaking in front of a group of people, or any number of psychosis that keep us paralyzed. I hesitate to write this idea because it may materialize into reality.

This morning? I use the word “fear” because it’s a scary label. I’m not a fearful kind of personality, but let that fear get started, and you turn it into a panicked moment. Run!

Fear takes many shapes and comes in disguises. It’s shaded from nothing to something.

It’s a fear of success. Better yet, it’s the fear of failure. Or you are not trying hard enough. Or not planning for success well enough, and everyone sees what you’re like. Maybe you require others so much, and they get to see all the blemishes, and you don’t want to be seen as less than you’re capable of being or doing.

Here’s what I quickly surmise:

It’s a fear that keeps me working solo
because if I share the load with anyone,
someone may see what’s behind this curtain.
I’m not the Wizard of Oz, just a boisterous older man
who may feel like it’s too late for success.
Let’s let sleeping dogs lie and drift through the season ahead.

It’s not fear of failure; it’s the fear of making a fool of myself. I’m working on that right now. Today. This week. It will be handled differently by the end of the year. Or decade. Please! Don’t judge me, and spread the truth.

Fear makes you justify why things don’t work. It affects every decision in life.

Hold it. That may not be true. Life is not something you label with a four-letter word. There are zones where I exceed. So it’s not an encompassing fear that I’m talking about. It’s my tired mind not thinking clearly, but it’s also what’s right there on the tip of my tongue, and I cannot quite get the words out.

Here’s My Thought This Morning

Label something, and suddenly, everything falls into place. Or is that a trick of the mind? All of this could require time with a person trained to look at the subject, but can anyone specialize in fear and not be afraid of messing up with the diagnosis and solution?

Talking about it helps me. Bringing it into the open does not minimize the person I am. This could be a middle-of-the-night poor sleep diagnosis and a complete waste of time. Perhaps. Since I’m a “do it yourself” personality, I take ownership of my thoughts and how I deal with the moment.

What does that mean?

Here’s the kicker. Instead of asking for help, it’s easier to fumble through life and do everything so that nothing gets accomplished.

Before we misdiagnose this feeling, it is in the middle of the night. I’ve had nearly 5 hours of sleep. My mind is amazingly clear, but slumber calls me to the couch. Waking in the middle of the night makes me realize this is another fear that pulls me from slumber and causes the mind to race from thought to analysis to summation. If I’m not careful, fear piles on, and the day will be ruined with tiredness.

Get a handle on the thought.

Or, I dare not complete the thought
because it will force me to face the revelation
and do something about it.
I may learn something. That’s scary!

Where Do I Turn?

Do you remember the phone numbers of old: Dial a Prayer or Dial a Psychic? Many call a therapist, counselor, or Madam Zahara with her den of tarot cards.

Therapy seems to be the rage. But how do therapists get the help they need? It’s a vicious circle of cyclonic thought.

Others celebrate a tough love and say, “Get back up on that horse and ride it, mister!” Ride tall! Stand strong! Trying to guess how others perceive the moment is also a fear.

What about finding a Friend? I have so few. Connections and contacts? Plenty. But this kind of friend is few and far between. When you need a friend, it often means you must disclose your inner turmoil. Instead of burdening someone close, we often turn to strangers. Do they have skin in the game? Can they care like a friend?

“Who do I turn to…” says Reba Rambo in a song from my younger years? She taught us to turn to the Rock of our Salvation! Where did we first learn of this Rock? That’s where I often turn first. I let the most powerful book in the world speak to me. Word? What say ye?

As iron sharpens iron,
So a man sharpens the countenance of his friend.
(Proverbs 27:17 NKJV)

Yes. A friend is needed in a season of turmoil.

How Do I Handle Fear?

How do I handle fear? The operative word I want to share with you is that personal pronoun – “I.”

If you are reading this, and only a few do, then perhaps you’ve been where I am every single day of life. Fear is real, but it’s also a label. I’ve grown to detest labels! Labels pin you to a corner of life, and it’s hard to shake off the label.

Take the label away and handle the feeling for what it is. Can you do it? Sure. That is where you tap other strength areas of your life to help you in the areas you struggle with!

My mind shifts to Jesus. Surely, in the flesh, he had his fears. How did he handle them? Prayer. Perhaps this is where we miss many solutions in life. We don’t know how to pray about them.

After an arduous teaching and miracle session (Feeding of the Five Thousand), Jesus is tired. When you are tired, you make mistakes. What would you do?

And when He had sent the multitudes away,
He went up on the mountain by Himself to pray.
Now when evening came, He was alone there.
(Matthew 14:23 NKJV)

This is a critical and crucial thought for all problems of life.

Prayer is the leveling field.
Mountains crumble.
Valleys level out.
Fears? Handled!
Doubts? Gone!

I know someone who confessed they struggled with prayer. But, they were a singer, and the songs they sang were like prayers. Could it be we pray without ceasing (1 Thessalonians 5:17) when we don’t let a label push us into the corner of doing nothing? Sure!

Summation? Don’t give into a fearful response when the stresses pile up. Pray. If it works for Jesus, it will work for you.

That’s what I’m about to do myself. Pray. Then go back to sleep. My job here is done.