Learning From Trauma

These past few weeks have been, oh, I don’t know, different? Weird. Strange. Uncomfortable. There are many adjectives, but few say what I want to say. These weeks have been difficult, but they’ve been in the making for months and years.

About a year ago, I had an auto accident. It was not my fault. The other driver got the ticket. He pulled in front of me from a stop sign. I smashed him just behind the driver’s door. A thousandth of a second slower for him or faster for me, and I would have nailed him in his driver’s seat. I’m sure he would not have walked away from the accident if I had been in my truck and not my wife’s car.

Regardless. Both cars are totaled. My body is in shock, as I’m sure my mind is also.

The following year is spent trying to get my back to settle down to a new normal. Doctors, X-rays, MRI, Physical Therapy, soaking baths, changing my routines, and trying to do life from a different perspective. My sciatica has been excruciating when driving my truck. One thing was my salvation. Cruise Control! Set the speed and remove my foot from the gas pedal, and I can relieve the pressure on the nerve. Now, I need to drive the open highways, not the backroads of life.

During the seasons of pandemics, I’ve learned a valuable lesson.

It’s hard to comprehend life when you are dealing with trauma.

Trauma Is Felt, Lived, And it Changes You

Life began with a massive focus shift in 2019, bogged down in 2020, and was equally challenging in 2021. Here we are in 2022, and I am still dealing with the issues.

I’m adapting to life after the accident, moving past baby steps, but I’m not sure I’ll ever get back to my everyday world.

If you know what happened to my sister in 2019, you will understand my trauma. Our accidents were different yet similar. I hit someone, and she got hit. The accidents were on the same side of the cars – front and driver. I walked away, and she didn’t.

These two events have adapted the way I look at the road. I’m always aware of others, and I’m very conscious of the person who might dart out or run a stop sign. I’ve become a passenger more than ever before. My bride replaced her car with a new comfortable truck, and she loves to drive! I’m happy to ride.

These two traumatic events made a lot of changes in my world.

A few weeks ago, I was moving slowly in my front yard, trying to do some spring cleaning. I grabbed hold of some weeds. Enmeshed within the grasses was a thorny weed. Over the next few hours, I’m picking tiny thorns out of my fingers. I must have missed one that went in deeply. My right thumb is struggling with the remnants. Absorb it into my body (it must be deep) or try and push it out. The entry point has swelled nearly to the size of a black-eyed pea, and my right hand cannot grip like it once could. The thumb cannot function normally!

Have you ever had to change hands and found you are incapable of doing what was once done without any thought?

I feel it worse when I’m getting food for the dogs. I can fill the large can with my right hand, but I cannot dip the food unless I change my routine. I must grip the scoop differently or change hands. I’ve made a few messes!

Or when a minor wound under your watch, you change the watch to the other wrist. Have you ever tried to hook a watch strap with the wrong hand on the wrong arm? Not easy peasy!

When in Scotland, drive as the Scottish do. From the wrong side of the car, on the wrong side of the road! You are shifting the standard with the wrong hand but in the typical layout! Pull that gearshift from First through Fifth with your left-hand Wait! Is that normal? I’ve shifted with my right hand and pushed the gear shift away from me all my life! Push or pull, left or right, from my left or right side, what’s even Normal? Though the driving cab was identical (pedals and instrument panel), the gear shifting was from the wrong side of the car going the wrong direction but in the same pattern! Confusing!

Time and again, I’m reminded that we often get into a habit of normal actions and can hardly be successful when we need to change sides!

Ambidextrously Functional?

Very few can easily do things from either side of their body. If you can, you’re ambidextrous.

Think about it like this: Can you make sense of your writing if you read what you wrote with your non-dominant hand? Watch a left-handed writer write. They usually curl their arm around the top of the page and then curl their hand inward, holding the writing instrument so they can slant their words like a right-hander! I wonder if a handwriting expert can tell the difference between the written word of a right-hander or a left-hander?

Try and face a 100-mph fastball from the wrong side of the plate, hands positioned opposite, and the bat is resting on the wrong shoulder! Thread a needle and sew with your wrong hand. Look at a target with your non-dominant eye. Go ahead! Try!

Coordinations exist from the way we practice the most! The way we learn! When we try it from the opposite perspective, we mess up…and we challenge our usual way from ever getting it naturally “right” again!

Think It Through

We do life from an angle that fits our dominant perspective.

If you have developed the habit of reading, you are a reader all your life. That’s me. I cannot listen to a book. My mind works with the words on a page faster than voices can recite the words. I skim, read fast, jump around, find the important points and skip what is not pertinent to my moment. That’s why I need words! Waiting on the reader to tell me what’s happening next? I’ll walk away and be happy never to know the ending. I can’t wait on you. M-o-l-a-s-s-e-s. That’s you. Not me.

That’s my dominant perspective.

Why? I don’t know. Hearing issues? Perhaps. My mind works differently? Definitely. Impatient? Yep! That’s my secret sauce. I’ve had to LEARN how to allow others to be what they are from their dominant perspective.

Have I always been like this, or will I always treat you like this? No. I’ve learned. It took a while, but I finally grasped that we are unique. Drive on the left or right side. Write from the left or right. Is it difficult to adapt? Sure. Will I do it? If I want to be what I’m supposed to be, I must.

I want to be good at what I’m called to do and not just what comes naturally to my dominant perspective.

We Learn To Work With Others From Who We Are

This is my key to life. I’ve HAD to learn how to play well with others. I’m not sure that’s ever shown up on a report card, but I’m a quick study and adapt quickly. Maybe that’s why I’ve programmed in 37 languages? Pick up what’s needed, do it, and set it down when I no longer require the tool.

Throughout life, being good was never a challenge. That’s my nature. In so many ways, I’m horrible at being bad. I don’t want it to be easy to be bad or wrong. Be good, but let “bad” be a hard choice to make. Bad choices come with baggage. It goes against my nature. Keep the bad, and you keep the baggage.

Perhaps you’ve taken one of those tests that tell you what your dominant style or perspective of life may be. That’s me. They show up often. Dozens! That’s what it seems like. Everyone has a quiz to help you identify who you are, and then you’re locked in a box of what they say you are. One quiz painted me perfectly and then told me that I’m most likely able to flex to a different response in adversity. Hmm. I feel the adrenaline flowing right now! Time to flex!

Who’s Your Team

Notice, I said “who’s your team” and not “who’s on your team.” I think this is a unique insight. Who are you developing and learning with versus who are you stuck with?

Back in the ’70s, I hired computer operators for 7/24 shift coverage. Every day of the week, and every hour of the day, I had to have workers. As I interviewed, I learned that some were talented but were not capable of the duties. Could they be trained? Would they fit in? Will I be wasting my time and energy?

This learning time said a lot about me, more than about them. Could I help them transform who they were into what the team needed?

Think about Jesus. Yes. God robed in the flesh and could do anything to be successful. Right? But he called “ordinary people” to become extraordinary team players. Their personalities were intact. Skills? Once a fisherman, always a fisherman! Let’s change your perspective. Use your dominant perspective to focus on different results.

But who did Jesus choose? Of course, he chose from a familial group of people who identified with Jehovah. Who did Jesus reach? He crossed the lines of culture and hierarchy. From the lowest, sickest, and neediest, he also reached into the throne rooms. Then, he told his disciples they would do “greater things” than he did. (John 14:12) Their depth would be broad, and their reach would span the globe.

That’s what happens when you know your team.

Back To Trauma

2019 and forward, I’ve learned about the team that is my life. When trauma started settling into my life, I learned who my team could be. Thow a pandemic on top of deaths? Many Sundays I preached to a mostly empty room, with a ladder setup to hold a camera, and a sign pointing to the camera to remind me who my audience was. Add a personal accident, and you realize you could never make it one step farther if you failed to know your team.

As we moved through the pandemic, life, death, and struggles to return to normal, this team stepped into their roles and showed they were behind the effort of keeping the church open.

It’s been a challenge.

Along the way, we made some excellent choices, and from many situations, we learned how to be better.

For many, trauma throws you down, and out! Not even a 10-count is called. When God is in the equation, and the internal support is there, then you know how to fight back! Get off the mat. Move away from the wall. Strive to regain forward momentum.

Now. Let’s spread the Lessons Learned around. Who else can we help? We’re not back all the way yet. But that doesn’t mean I ignore others. They are my team.