When Sleep Eludes

I’m sure we’ve all been there, as the night creeps from dusk to dawn, and sleep flits around refusing to be caught. It’s too early to run the morning timed errands, and everyone else is trying to sleep – I refuse to impose my mind on them.

So. I slide down the street to a local Denny’s, with a single booth crowded with foul talking ladies and other strangers that wander through (ignore them as if they don’t exist?). Kitchen music that makes no sense to the “ambiance” of the all night diner. No Grits – till 6 am. What gives? Too hard to make on the fly? It’s almost enough to make me leave and simply have coffee somewhere else!

But they have free WIFI and that’s enough to keep me here writing and thinking. And, the sweet lady wanting to serve me coffee compensates for the environmental deficiencies.

Today begins the two-day “jump through the hoops” of closure. I’m not ready.

Saying Goodbye

As the family gathers from across the nation, you begin to ponder. How do you prepare your heart and mind to say goodbye to the first of us to pass on? There are no tears, but I’m sure they’ll show up. You don’t need platitudes, social media has helped you process for several days. What you need is some silence, peace, quiet…solitude.

But the demands are huge. I’ve been giving out for so long it’s hard to think about how to receive condolences. It’s difficult. From Alaska to Texas and just about every other state I’ve lived in, or my sis is connected to, the prayers and thoughts keep rolling in.

And to the family of the young friend from the 80’s, we can only imagine how much more personal this same time is for you. Praying. See you Saturday.

I’m glad my bride is here. It’s been difficult being separated during this tragic event. We’ve been the strength for each other for over 45 years. My kids are gathering (both of them!), and I’m feeling more cemented to the moment, but it’s still not a whole feeling.

I can only imagine how mom and dad feel, or my sisters kids, it’s very close to home for them. Direct offspring to direct offspring. The only true connection. As siblings, yes, I’m directly connected through my parents, but there’s something unique between a mother to her daughter, and then on to the daughters kids. I cannot pretend to understand, but I feel it in my bones. There’s a bond that exists like none other. On one level, I’m disconnected. On a deeper level? I’m feeling like … well, there’s no deeper love I can express. Sis. I’m going to miss you.

Now the tears come. Closure begins.

Thankful Thursday

My sister was always a crafty and “doing” kind of person. Painting. Collecting. Making. Doing. I passed through Texas a year or two back while she was traveling, and she left her bedroom for me to occupy. But, she left a chore for me to do. Paint! As in, on a canvas with all the tools and colors supplied. I’m not crafty. Nor color coordinated. Nor do I want to be! I finally painted her initials and a few words…

TAG…You’re It!

My sister was always making and doing things that could impart meaning. Example: Creating a Jar decorated and called: “Thankful Thursday” and every Thursday she would write something she was Thankful for and drop it in the jar. She would call mom and dad and go through the exercise with them.

Today, Thankful Thursday, we are going to go through the thoughts she was thankful for and enjoy celebrating my sister’s life and thoughtfulness.

I can almost feel her from the other side looking at all of us, saying, “TAG…you’re it!”

Join me today.

What are you thankful for? If you are missing being thankful for something then you are going through battles I cannot understand. I look around at life and am amazed by all the beauty and meaning that exists in the midst of pain and suffering. Focus on the negative and the positive fades away. Focus on the positive, and the negatives get overwhelmed!

Again. What are you thankful for?

Let me start the ball rolling.

I’m thankful for my parents that brought us into the world and cared for us through those challenging teen years, and even today they care so much for each of us.

How many Thursdays have I’ve missed? Well, I’m not lost from feeling thankful for so many things. I only wonder if there is enough ink and paper to write on!

• Dare I say it…I’m thankful for my sister who continues to teach and share from beyond the vale.
• I’m thankful for my extended family that expands my horizon beyond my own self.
• In my own way, I’m very thankful for my siblings, and their families.
• I’m thankful for my bride – and she knows it!
• I pray that my kids know I’m thankful for each of them and their extended family and friends.
• I’m thankful for my God and all his promises.

Thankfulness is not simply saying it, because we often fail at this miserably. Thankfulness includes doing something about what you feel.

To my family that came together on such a day as today. Thank you. There’s no greater feeling of thankfulness than to be surrounded by those that mean the most to me..

Now. For a scripture of thankfulness.

“Enter his gates with a song of thanksgiving. Come into his courtyards with a song of praise. Give thanks to him; praise his name.”  
Psalms 100:4 (GW)

Yes. We sing to God, about God, but I believe we should sing songs about those we are so thankful for! Today, we have a list of songs we will sing in remembrance of my sister. Songs from yester-year that we can only guess and hope will mean something.

Precious Memories. In the Sweet Bye and Bye.
This World Is Not My Home. On the Road, Again!
This Ol’ Guitar. What a Day That Will Be.
There’s a Beautiful Home! Farther Along.
Surely, The Presence of The Lord is in this place.

Songs of the past. Songs of the future. Sis. Hope you enjoy!

Sleep Will Come

The sleep that eludes me will catch up. Soon. Whether it’s the sleep of the night, or the sleep of death. Until that day, I’m even more focused on being who I’m supposed to be. No backing down. No turning around. There’s much ahead of me to do, and to be, a better example to live. Sleep will show up at the appropriate time. Trust me.