Grieving, Closure, But Healed?

It’s been over a week since my sister was killed in a tragic car accident. We know more about the situation, but we still ask the big three-letter question: Why? We know The Who, The What, The Where, and the When…but why?

I’ve not felt like grieving, partly due to disbelief, and partly to life’s needs that must be handled on so many fronts. It seems there is no time. This is not a healthy response, but those we grieve with need me. Strong. Capable.

We’ve not handled the closure events, family gathering, funeral, or graveside. When that last moment is gone, we will be able to sense closure and perhaps a return to normality. Maybe.

But will we find healing? Like any wound that seals itself against an invasion or brokenness, the skin may be closed by what’s under the skin… can we call it healed?

Healing is not a summation, it’s a process.

You may close the door on an event, but the process of the pain or return to normality is not quickly realized. Healing comes over time. The deeper the wound, the longer it takes for the knitting of muscles and skin to recover.

Essentially, you reach a point where the hurt is diminished, and the energy of moving forward leaves the memory behind.

Here’s My Thought Today

I’m not excited to say my final goodbyes to my only sister. It’s too public an event as the family gathers, even when its only family. Can I truly spend a personal moment unloading my goodbyes? Probably not. And, I’ll be too far away from her final resting place to make a pilgrimage, so, this week will be all I’ll have.

I will need to carve out a few moments that mean something to me, so I can make my thoughts known to my sister. Yes, she’s not really here, and if my theology is anywhere near to correct, she’s not challenged by the clock any longer. Her suffering, questioning, and needs are now resolved!

Jesus

Differing customs and times, but there are many who do not allow things to linger as we’ve been doing.

Imagine Jesus, in those last hours of life. Last breath, and those wanting to say their final goodbyes have to rush from the moment of death before the sun went down. Quick, roll back the stone, wrap the body; now, rush home to be ready for Sabbath to officially begin. Then, after Sabbath evening, they finally return to finish their job of preparing the body.

Only, the plan of God left them without a body! No more goodbye moments until Jesus ascends to heaven just 10 days before Pentecost – the formation of the church that would change the world!

Could it be there will be no goodbyes that cannot be reversed with a resurrection morning? Is that when our healing will be complete?

Our Ending Moment

If we could learn from every moment, leave nothing to chance, then perhaps we learn a valuable lesson. This thought pounds me constantly. Plan, Prepare, Document, Keep your relationships solid, Leave nothing to chance, Communicate, Share, Call, Tell someone your wishes, Do not let it get to the point where everyone is scrambling.

I’ve been sharing this with a number of folks for several years. Get your affairs in order, instructions written, and everything filed to a place where it’s easily accessible.

Life gives us instant tragedies, and you may not have the last moment you need to repair anything, so, as scripture says, “Do not let the sun go down on your wrath…” (Ephesians 4:26)

Most of all. You only get one chance at that final goodbye, so plan for it well. Do us proud! Save us grief. Let us heal and find some closure.