“It’s Not An Excuse…” I can hear it now. Just because I’m a male doesn’t mean I should act a certain way, or get away with certain things. But there is something about recognizing what it’s like growing up as a “boy”.
Some do use it as an excuse for roughhousing behavior or even acting out, but there is something to the old adage, “Boys will be boys.” As we move from the old cliches of the past we slowly see the mantel of identity slipping away from gender-specific roles. The sadness about this will only be realized sometime in the future when I will no longer be around, I’m sure.
Being labeled a “boy” is not bad, but there are those of us who still live with a foot in the past that see things the way it was when we were growing up and compare the “boys to men” ladder that is prevalent in our culture today. I may not understand a lot of what is happening – tattoos, body piercings, clothing, hair, etc., but I can tell you each person of youth today will someday stand in the exact same position I am and see their past slip away as the boys change even further into something they will not understand.
It’s hard to change; nor do I feel the need to change.
Yet, as I see boys looking different, I can only assume that there may come a day when they will no longer be “boys” – they are rapidly slipping into something where the things I enjoyed as a boy are no longer seen as fit for modern times. So, I ask, “What kind of men will this ‘boy’ be?”
For example, growing up it was nothing to act out a war scene with our rubber knives and play guns. We would do things that we only assumed was done by men in times of war – some heroic, and some … well, let’s just say we would all be squeamish if we actually did the things we only imagined while at play. Bombs, machine guns, bazooka’s, bayonets… Well, you get the picture. War is dirty!
But our heroes taught us this in books and on TV. Franklin W. Dixon, John Wayne. Audy Murphy. Johnny Weissmuller. Humphrey Bogart. In fact, I remember one war movie that contained not a single girl! Wow! It was all guys!
Today, boys play more gruesome games on their consoles and see more horrific death scenes than I could have imagined as a child. Add Virtual Reality and they will experience reality in a way that they will never know unless they get outside and act like the “boy” they are!
Today, kids know more filthy language, more sexual things, and have learned to act out younger in crimes against other humans. Suicide, drugs, sex, and crime is on the rise at an even younger age. Kids are becoming adults faster and faster.
I did not grow up with guns a main focus of life, but it was only natural to have guns around us all the time. I have Dad’s .22 single shot rifle mom had given to him as a wedding present. I have my granddad’s .22 tube fed rifle that grandmother gave him at their one-year wedding anniversary. She gave him a 10-gauge shotgun on their wedding day! And, I have my own .22 pump action that my girlfriend gave me for Christmas right before we married. (Thank you, Brenda!) I have 3 generations of .22 rifles and they are my pride and joy when it comes to the guns I own. It is true, I got a single shot .20 gauge shotgun when I was about 12 or 13. Still, own it! But these guns were never for play – only hunting. As I grew older I added guns to my collection and only occasionally take them out to shoot or hunt. Owning and shooting guns does not make me a criminal, nor did I pass that behavior down the genetic line.
Can you pick out which one was me?
Hint… Kneeling. Far left. What’s uniquely me?
Acting out as a boy of the ’50s and ’60s did not make me a fighter, nor a rude person. Wrestling with my brothers, challenging others to a BB Gun Shoot Out, chasing snakes around what I can only research and see it may be called Brushey Lake on a current map, rabbit hunting in the middle of the night from the back of a pickup truck, or even riding roughly on my bike or motorcycle…
None of this made me a wild adult! In fact, there was even a cold winter trip to Ace (Texas) where us three boys and my cousin, Bill, camped out for 3 or 4 nights. We took our guns, grease, flour, salt and pepper – we ate nothing except for what we hunted! Let’s see. I was about 14 at the time. Grand ol’ time with great memories!
Acting out, or play-acting in boyhood does not make you a bad person today. It’s when we take these same “aggression’s” into adulthood that we start to get into trouble! Our roles adjust as we age. I’ve heard it said, “The older the boy the more expensive the toy.” Well, I’ve never spent that money the way some do. My focus has always been a little bit more earthy. I did get a tractor! Why? I need one for my 5 acres!
Yet, a lot of what we did as boys are not part of the culture today.
For one thing, the world has changed a lot. Modern times and modern crimes have caught up to society and it’s not safe for a boy to take off on his bike and be gone all day, carrying his BB gun strapped across his shoulder, slingshot in our hip pocket, a knife in scabbard on the hip, canteen of water and a quarter to buy some penny candy down the road. No cell phones. No pagers. And all the phones that existed were rotary dial…
We took off like this. Often! Gone for hours and told to be home for dinner. The woods always beckoned! That body of water was our friend! The snakier, the better! The gulley, barn, pasture…it mattered little. We lived to be outside and doing what boys do! Back then I’m not sure I ever thought of the heat and humidity as I do these days!
When we lived in Seabrook, Channelview, or when we went to the country, it would be nothing for us to be gone just about all day playing with friends, building forts in the woods, playing all around the waterfront of rivers and lakes, taking inner tubes and swimming far from shore, and, being out of sight of home it was nothing to go jumping from cliffs, swinging rope swings into a Tarzan dive, wrestling each other under water! We were even allowed camp out, and not just in the back yard! There was frog gigging at midnight and we had our own homemade gigging gear! When the rains came we would dam up the ditch and make ponds to play with our homemade boats, ride the trees in the storms until lightning came, and wonder what we would do once we were allowed to go back outside!
Life was nice! Rugged! And still, it was safe. Do you know how we made money to live on? We didn’t grow up rich, nor were we given whatever we wanted. We often earned the right to buy what we needed by doing odd things.
Picking up soda bottles, washing them out and trading them in for cash on the barrelhead! From 2 cents to 3 cents, and then a nickel per bottle. A dozen bottles could buy a nice supply of BB’s, or a 16 oz RC Cola for the same price as every other bottle of pop. Later, about 20 bottles would put a couple of gallons of gasoline into my car!
I began mowing yards for pay around 7 years old, but I never remember being paid for doing the same chore at home! The going rate? Generally a buck! And I didn’t rake up the grass afterward! Grandmother often paid us kids to help out and we split the money between whoever helped mow. At Seabrook, the lifeguard paid me a buck a week to keep the grass around the pool mowed. I would do it early morning before anyone showed up. He would also give me a nickel to take his lunch and run it to our refrigerator and deliver it back at noon. I was raking it in!
The key was that we always looked for ways to make money. I’m sure we were treated to an allowance every so often, but that’s not a big memory. When my bike’s rim was dented, handbrakes needed replacing, or even the flat tube could not be repaired any longer, I remember simply looking for money needed the old fashioned way – Earning It!
I grew up around animals. Farm and family animals. It was fun, yet I was not the rodeo type to ride a bronc out of the chute into an arena. If anything, being around animals taught me more about talking to humans! Don’t get offended! I’m not calling you a pig, donkey or cow… I’m just saying. There’s something about practicing talking to others with an animal that cannot talk back!
It was more fun to have them as something to pet and feed, something to learn responsibility. Cats. Dogs. Steers. Goats. Horses. Even some strays!
See this stall in the picture? When we finally tore it down I found one of my prized pieces of petrified wood under the floor where the feed was kept. Yep. I still own it today! I wonder where that slender guy went to? (!!)
There is something about Petrified Wood that speaks to me!
If you are anything like me… who knows, maybe some of you are, then there’s a connection to your past that defines who you are today. It’s not just about a boy being a boy, but it’s a boy growing up to be a man. Physically. Skillfully. Educated. Yes, and spiritually growing from a boy to a man.
Here’s my thought today. The Apostle Paul wrote to the church at Corinth, and encouraged them to be watchful, firm in the faith and to act like men – strong. My imagination cannot compare their childhood years to mine, nor do I understand all the strife of the day and what it meant to be a man. So, I do not know what prompted this message from Paul, but read his words and see what you think about his message to men.
When Timothy comes, see that you put him at ease among you, for he is doing the work of the Lord, as I am. So let no one despise him. Help him on his way in peace, that he may return to me, for I am expecting him with the brothers. Now concerning our brother Apollos, I strongly urged him to visit you with the other brothers, but it was not at all his will to come now. He will come when he has opportunity. Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love. Now I urge you, brothers–you know that the household of Stephanas were the first converts in Achaia, and that they have devoted themselves to the service of the saints– be subject to such as these, and to every fellow worker and laborer. I rejoice at the coming of Stephanas and Fortunatus and Achaicus, because they have made up for your absence, for they refreshed my spirit as well as yours. Give recognition to such men.
(1 Corinthians 16:10-18 ESV)
There are some deep thoughts here for men. Do not despise. Be Watchful. Standing. Firm. In the Faith. Act. Like Men. Strong. In Love. Service. To Saints. Refresh. Be helpers. Act in ways that can be described as peaceful.
Does this describe the men you know? The Apostle Paul writes to Corinth and says, " Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. Let all that you do be done in love." 1 Corinthians 16:13-14 ESV Click To TweetIf Boys will be Boys, then somehow we must grow them into Men.
Here’s some favorite writing from Rudyard Kipling, writing to his son. He died just 19 years before I was born. American author, Henry James, said: “Kipling strikes me personally as the most complete man of genius (as distinct from fine intelligence) that I have ever known.”
“If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise
If you can dream – and not make dreams your master;
If you can think – and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings – nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And – which is more – you’ll be a Man, my son!”
~Rudyard Kipling, “If: A Father’s Advice to His Son” (around 1909)
Let’s help boys be boys, but do not leave them there! Help them grow up to be men that we would all be proud to say we have known.