“Most of us are listening and reasoning for our response rather than listening and reasoning for understanding.” ~ME
Okay. You’ve heard this a million times from many sources. I’ll be the first to tell you this is my version of another famous quote along with similar lines.
Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply. ~Stephen R. Covey Click To Tweet
I’m just as guilty of anyone wanting to hear themselves talk through your questions or comments rather than trying to understand what you are wanting/needing to communicate. I will admit, sometimes it’s when I hear myself talk that I grasp the communicators needs and issues better. We call it “talking it out“. But there are times we should not talk, rather listen ever so closely to the words being spoken.
Another famous person put it like this:
When you talk, you are only repeating what you already know. But if you listen, you may learn something new. ~Dalai Lama Click To TweetIf we would ever stop listening to our brain respond before the speaker finishes, then we may just have a better understanding of what is needing to be communicated. One aged proverb says it like this (and I have no clue where it came from): “No one is as deaf as the man who will not listen.” Notice the operative phrase. Not Listen… We all know how to hear, but we seldom know how to listen! Or even when we should be listening and not processing the words!
Maybe we need some lessons in something I’ve started calling, “Listening Better“.
This is an ancient problem! Active listening often means simply receiving before processing, but we all struggle with the stored words! We would much rather unpack them in the present tense, you know, as they are being spoken. This often causes me to chase words and thoughts down rabbit trails of thought. What happens then? I quit listening!
I find listening to be a skill I need to sharpen and use better, but when the same old stories roll off the tongue, then it is difficult to pay attention! If it is the “same ol’ same ol'” then I will miss new elements or perspectives because I quit listening!
Jesus was attempting to share some truth and perspective in response to a question, an experience, and folks who needed better listening skills! He even tells them this!
Why do you not understand My speech? Because you are not able to listen to My word. (John 8:43 NKJV)
Go read the entire chapter and you would understand the issue from his perspective. Why? Because we have the same type of problem when we read or listen! We interpret as we go, jump to the ending saying “I already know this!”, and let the story or situation trounce us down multiple paths of response. Along the way, we lose where we should be at! When someone is telling us something we think we already know, we often stand ready to dispute their version of the facts!
I will be the first to agree. Retire the speaker’s soapbox to someone else and they will dominate the place and time spouting words as long as someone will tune in. Sometimes. Sometimes you have to interject to get someone to stop and listen themselves!
Maybe this is a simple key for all of us.
Pause. Listen. Hear. Understand. Process. Then, and only then, speak your response! Click To Tweet