What About Me?

What about me, I ask, when I think of what this year has brought to the table. Where do I stand? What have I done? Am I any better than I was, or am I no better?

It’s an internal inquisitive moment when I realize how close to the end of the year we are. November is right around the corner, and we will not be celebrating with family or friends due to COVID-19. A president will hopefully have been selected next week and we can either be happy, sad, or neutral. The economy is still struggling. Workers are still stressing. Hospitals are still handling crises, albeit with greater success today than yesterday.

But, what about me?

What have I done with what I’ve been through? Am I improving my place in the world, or am I struggling through the mud of life like so many others?

So. With a coffee cup, bible, pen and paper, I begin to muddle through the thought. What About Me?

Last Night

Last night was another weird sleeping night that shows up every so often. The nearly full moon was gone from the skies, so the dogs had no issue with dancing shadows confusing the yard and giving them something to bark at…but they barked anyway. Awake, am I!

I can either get frustrated, or I can take a moment to calm the dogs with a tap on the window, or a gruff “hush-up” from a crack in the door. Frustration never gets me anywhere! Except, perhaps, all worked up, tense, and with the adrenalin flowing the night can rage until the morning light arrives. Exhaustion. Wasted time. How will I ever get back in the grove?

So, last night I began thinking about my thought. Where am I? What about me? Is this what “retirement” will look like as we move into a new year? Nothing happening but the same ol’ stuff? We ask ourselves, “What Day Is It?” as one day melds into another. It used to be a work schedule that kept us motivated, but now we struggle with remembering which of the seven it happens to be!

Yes, we’ve had some productive days. My barn is nearing completion. Two new puppies are growing up together separated by 4 months of age. The tractor is getting a workout. The upstairs is vacant, again, and it’s time to put it to use. Maybe. There are so many choices and decisions to make to support a variety of options!

Today!

Today starts with a whimper. The sun is out, but I’m inside working. The dogs are getting exercised by my bride, and I’m writing. A new class on writing starts with a Zoom meeting at 1 pm and I’m ready! I’m at my desk, blinds open, the window cracked a foot, soaking in the ambiance of the outside and wishing I could be there, not here!

There are communication processes that need to be started. Decisions need to be activated.

Much planning is happening on the side for how to get the church back from the brink of an isolated nightmare.
We need more ROOM!
We would love to sell our house and build a one-story house on a new plot of ground.
(complete with a barn, office, workshop, and fenced yards for our future! )

The cooler temperatures, bright blue sky, and beaming sun (no rain), barn, and tractor are a sirens call! Keep ignoring it! Tie myself to the desk, do I…

So, I plant the thought to paper and promise to nurture it to the end. What about me?

What do I need to do the most? Well. It’s simple. The first thing to every day and task is to simply “start”. But where is that starting point?

“You can’t get where you want to go unless you start with where you are.”
~Michael Hyatt

You must know where you are before you can decide what to do with the rest of life’s choices. So, today, when I think about “me”, I must identify where I am. Okay? What are the resources available to me, and then, make a decision. What’s most important for the day, and the remainder of my journey. Focus! Focus! Focus!

Here’s My Thought

I may not trust in myself at times, but there is one who I can trust every single day. God tells Israel this thought we claim often for ourselves.

For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.
(Jeremiah 29:11 NKJV)

God knows his thoughts to us. Can we unlock them and take ownership of them today? It’s possible. Part of the indecisions we face about life are simply the result of not having lived through enough challenges to determine what kind of person we are.

Think about it like this. If you were to win the lottery, can you handle it? Probably not. Most folks are not successful with their winnings because they never learned the principles of handling what they already have. Sure, you may have more to spread around every corner of life, but unless you have the background of managing what you have it will not be long before you have nothing left to enjoy.

So. What are God’s thoughts to us?

Not riches, fame, or success. At least not in man’s way of thinking about it. Rather, he wants us to have a peaceful future with hope. In other words, the future is always in front of us no matter what we are going through today. Hope today is in a better future, so we keep pressing forward to a better time. Along the way, we want to know His Peace as Jesus says he will give.

Peace I leave with you, My peace I give to you;
not as the world gives do I give to you.
Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.
(John 14:27 NKJV)

He’s giving his peace to us, but we have to reach out and accept it. That churning spirit raging in your breast needs to calm down as His Peace settles over your struggles. When you are unsure of the future path, remember He knows your future. Peacefully accept that He will direct your paths, as long as you allow Him to do so! (Psalms 17:5, 37:23, 40:2, Job 34:21, etc.)

For me… There’s always a song from my past. This is what comes to mind from Howard Goodman.

Give Up

Give up, let Jesus take over
Oh, give up, let Jesus take over, oh yeah
And He'll make a way for you

Well, if you've got mountains that you can't climb
Oh, and if you've got rivers that you can't cross
And if you've got valleys that you can't span
Let Jesus, let Jesus take a hold of your hand

Now if you got burdens too hard to bear
Oh, and if you load is more than your share
Kneel, kneel down, talk to Jesus because I, I know and I know He cares
And He'll, He'll make a way, make a way for us somehow

Sing it together, sing it, let Jesus take over
Oh, give up and let Jesus take over
Oh, give it up and let Jesus take over
And He'll make a way, say He'll make a way
He'll make a way for you

Give Up Lyrics.
 (n.d.). Lyrics.com. Retrieved October 28, 2020, from https://www.lyrics.com/lyric/3509788/The+Happy+Goodman+Family.