Well, we know the game all too well. It’s not my fault, it yours’. It’s theirs. I have absolutely no idea, but it wasn’t me! Look elsewhere for an answer!
Family Circus had some ghosts (gremlins) in their comic strips named: I-Da-Know, Not-Me, Nobody. When the kids were asked who did something, all the parents got were, “I don’t know. Not me. Nobody.”
Why do we struggle with owning up to our mistakes? As children we learned, we could pass the blame off, look sweet and innocent, and finally, everyone would smile. How could such a dimply looking face do anything wrong?!!? Look at that angel smiling!
That set the precedent. Look innocent. Pass the buck.
In the grown-up world, you can get fired for doing something wrong, lose your family, health or financial position. Hence, it’s easy to understand why folks don’t accept responsibility. What’s the keyword? Plausible deniability!
Perhaps the position to be in is to “Never do anything wrong!” Well. That doesn’t work. In today’s volatile social experiment, your words and actions are easily taken out of context. A firestorm of negatives sweeps up the garbage with the good, and before you know it? Meltdown! Smoldering embers. Charred timbers. Devastation. Wasted landscape.
It’s even difficult to share what it was once like without someone taking offense. “What? You really talked like that? Did you really get away with that? Somebody should have stopped you!”
Yep! We didn’t have seatbelts until I was nearly a teenager! Baby car seats? What’s that? Sleep on the deck behind the back seat, curl up on the floor, bounce around the car like we are on a playground! Or, sit on the tailgate going down the neighborhood streets? Of course, dragging our feet on the road was fun!
Who’s to blame?
Well. Life changes. Our experiences are our own. We probably wouldn’t dream of letting today be anything like yesterday! Right? Well. I do miss those good old days! I relate to this Don Friesen story about riding in the back of the pickup truck!
No one is to blame. You might say. Really? Life changes, and if you are not adapting to the new world, then perhaps it’s your fault. Laws are numerous to change past behaviors, but normally long after enough negative events caused an uproar. Social consciousness alerts us to a need, and we adapt our world to the new reality.
I’m reading a novel (for maybe the 10th time) called “Wolf and Iron” – it’s apocalyptic. It deals with the main character who studies human behavior. He sees the end coming, but there’s nothing he can do about it. Life has a way of simply boiling up and over. Surprise! Revert back to the stone age and rebuild. Most novels like this always plot a return, but life will be different in the future. Right? Yeah, right! This main character knows if he can stay alive long enough then maybe he can help coach a recovery!
If life ever settles down, then we'll redo it right! Right? What's wrong with the way it is right now? Some ask innocently! Just look at the landscape of human behavior and think it through again. Share on XMaybe the blame game should start with the hand that’s pointing the finger, and notice something unique. Most of the time there are three fingers pointing back at the pointer! You cannot blame others without taking into consideration your own position!
Do You Accept Your Position?
Accepting your position does not mean you are right and others are wrong. Or vice versa. Rather, it’s you identifying who you are. Do you want to change? Need to change? Or are you content to simply be different?
The reality is we are often not happy with our personal identity but we lack the impetus to change. Words, actions, and even thoughts once used with frequency are no longer appropriate. Why? Enlightened? Perhaps. The world is constantly changing. What we think today, is not allowed tomorrow, and what we think about tomorrow will be disallowed from our public consciousness down the road.
If you are always blaming others…
If it’s in your DNA to always find fault in others, and point the finger to blame them what’s wrong in the world, then you will not be reading this for long. Why? More than likely you cannot accept that part of the problem lies within yourself. Those three fingers of blame pointing back at you identifies you as having a large role in the entire problem!
People who blame things rarely change things.
Blame is an unassailable change-avoidance strategy.
~Andy Stanley
As always, the pathway to change begins with self-analysis and acceptance. I know who I am, now, what do I want to be like? Finding the way forward includes de-educating yourself and learning to accept a new normal.
Maybe some training, a mentor, or coach becomes your new way forward. Perhaps. But often stopping what we are doing that’s wrong must be the first step. Sometimes, who knows, maybe most of the time, it’s simply stopping our destructive behaviors. You know, just like a diet plan teaches you better habits, then telling yourself to stop eating a certain way will produce better results. Right? Most of the time.
Keywords
Well, what if you had some keywords to help you change? I’ve shared this a lot over the years, but I love the forceful way you can learn to change your life.
Stop. It. That’s easier said than done, but what if it’s the simple first step you take to change? Stop it!
Here’s My Thought Today
We all have destructive behaviors and we love to blame everyone else for what makes us the way we are. Even the Apostle Paul dealt with this on multiple levels. If you think about it, Paul was along a destruction path against the early church. But he changed. Yet, he was always dealing with his personal issues. Only, he used them as teaching tools for others!
I’ve tried everything and nothing helps. I’m at the end of my rope. Is there no one who can do anything for me? Isn’t that the real question? The answer, thank God, is that Jesus Christ can and does. He acted to set things right in this life of contradictions where I want to serve God with all my heart and mind, but am pulled by the influence of sin to do something totally different.
(Romans 7:24-25 MSG)
If Paul left us with this then we could justify being differently spiritually and with our humanity. I found these thoughts to be helpful and will not post every scripture reference, but in the next chapter of Romans, Paul identifies his path to change.
Paul’s Path to Change
- Remind me every day what Jesus did for me. (Romans 8:1-4)
- Ask the Holy Spirit to give me better thoughts. (Romans 8:5-6)
- Realize I have the ability to Just Say No! (Romans 8:12)
- Keep turning my thoughts to God when challenges creep in. (Romans 8:14-16)
- Focus on the long term, and not the short term. (Romans 8: 17-18)
- Remind me that God is Good and In Control! (Romans 8:19-32)
- Trust. This is hard. Trust that God will never stop loving me! (Romans 8:38-39)
What Do You Do About You?
What steps do you have to improve your life? Does the voice of a coach, mentor or pastor speak in your life? They don’t have to be there in your presence, but when you face life, their voice echos from the memory chambers of your mind.
Is there a scripture set that keeps you focused, a prayer that points you forward, or a song you sing that lifts your spirit?
There’s a song we once sang and if I could make it my anthem then I think I would sing it every day!
All day long I’ve been with Jesus
All day long my lips have uttered praise
All day long my heart, my soul’s been lifted in worship
All day long I have been with Him