My Way or the Highway

We have all been around controllers!

Their mannerisms are brash, their words mostly harsh, and we describe them as nitpickers, micro-managers or the thought police. Controllers of everything around them. “Do it my way, or there’s the highway!”

Essentially, they are someone who wants to be in control of their self, along with everyone and everything around them. They are generally not fun to be around! Unless you are one wanting someone else to have control perhaps because you lack self-control, or cannot make decisions on your own, or maybe the word “lazy” comes into play. Hmmm.

Of course, there are some controllers we need and are important to all of us. Consider Air Traffic Controllers. They are very important for our safety! In the air, and on the ground! You know, what goes up, must come down! They must know everything that is happening, all around their controlled space from the ground to the moon and back! They keep the aircraft separated and in assigned lanes of travel. Why? To prevent accidents and to let each individual pilot know about potential hazards.

Essentially, it’s the personality of the role of a controller that we struggle with. Just ask any teenager!

Nevertheless, there is an aspect of controlling that we need to be aware of.

Self-Control is Necessary

Why do we need to have control of our self? It’s really easy to explain. Let me try.

Self Control is  restraint exercised over one’s own
impulses, emotions, or desires

Without self-control, we are generally loose cannons, firing indiscriminately until we lose all our energy. Then we scramble to find more ammo and power. Ever hear of the barrel melting from too much firing?

In olden times, cannons on a sailing ship where corralled at a shooting port. If it ever slipped its moorings then it was a dangerous rolling weapon of mass destruction. A loose cannon rolling with gravity as the ship lurched across the waves!

Without self-control, we seldom know when to stop. We are often victims of foot and mouth disease. No. Not the kind that bovines get, but the kind that shows up when one “opens the mouth and inserts foot”!

Again, without self-control, we have no parameters on life. Our weight blooms out of control, we drive too fast, we brake too late, we say what we want without considering the needs or feelings of others, and we never learn to be in charge of our financial picture.

Essentially, we are in need of self-control or a controller figure in our life! I’m just saying. We need to learn Self-Control!

Here’s My Thought Today

Wise Solomon taught we need to exhibit self-control, which is strange because it seems he was out of control on some aspects of his life!

A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
(Proverbs 25:28 ESV)

When you lose control you open yourself up to destruction. There is a chink in your armor. Influences outside of your control invade your domain and wreak havoc with your image, power, personality, and emotions. Destabilization occurs.

Yet the opposite personality has an equal number of issues. A controller is often brash and rejected by others, even when they are the “boss”. I worked for a man who never saw this personality quirk in himself, yet all of us who were direct reports felt the lash of his controlling attitude. It brought out the worse in us. We all have stories to tell about this kind of controller in our lives!

There Must Be Balance

You cannot control everything around you, but you can be in control of self! You may not be able to react the way you want to react, but you can learn how to control yourself for the moment! I’m so glad I never had a Drill Instructor in my life! Did anyone say, Leavenworth?

The Apostle Peter mentioned self-control one time, but the Apostle Paul references it twelve times in six different epistles! Must have been important to the early church, and to himself! Let’s consider this for a moment.

Here’s what Peter had to say:

For this very reason, make every effort to supplement your faith with virtue, and virtue with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with steadfastness, and steadfastness with godliness, and godliness with brotherly affection, and brotherly affection with love.
For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they keep you from being ineffective or unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. For whoever lacks these qualities is so nearsighted that he is blind, having forgotten that he was cleansed from his former sins.
(2 Peter 1:5-9 ESV)

Notice his challenge: Make Every Effort! Self-control, along with faith, virtue, knowledge, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love. Self Control is important! It’s in the top half of this list!

On The Other Hand

The Apostle Paul continually told the church in Corinth, Galatia, and Thessalonia – Practice Self Control! He preached the same message to his protege, Timothy, in his last known letter, saying it is a God-given spirit of “self-control” (2 Timothy 1:7 ESV). I grew up on the King James Version where “self-control” actually said “sound mind”.

Could it be this is exactly what Self-Control is? A Sound Mind? It’s a Greek word from where we get the idea of being in control of our mind, hence, in control of our self. If I can control my mind, then I can control my flesh and my expression of self to others.

Here’s A Key

For me, this means controlling my mind to be Spiritual and not Carnal, to be loving and not a hater, to be a giver and not a taker, to control my appetite before it controls me, to show the way, and that its not just about “My Way or the Highway” mentality!

I speak from personal knowledge, and I do mean personal! You cannot be in control of self without having tools to help you learn control, some measurement to determine if self-control is working, and some really great examples in your life of how it works.

I am a packrat and it comes naturally to hang on to the things that may be needed someday. Also, I’m a collector of all things that make no sense. We all have this problem, I’m sure, from coffee mugs to key chains, and even maps. Some like to collect butterflies, frogs, and cows. Salt and pepper shakers! I collect things that mean something at the time I thought it worthy of my attention. Only, I have a hard time divesting myself of them later in life!

Coffee mugs often showed where I traveled.
Certainly, key chains because they are often free.
Maps show me where I would love to travel to!

I unloaded my enormous coffee mug collection some years back and kept unique ones. (New ones still pop up every so often!) Key chains are in the process of going out of the window. But maps will probably be with me for a while! They represent the future places I want to travel!

Total Commitment

What I have learned is that my personality throws every effort into something when I decide to get involved. From learning to fly, or completing my college degrees – I jump in with both feet and get completely wet! Totally committed. It’s an all or nothing approach. One of my best examples of commitment? At the age of 19, I married my bride and today we have enjoyed being best friends. This will never change, even though friends come and go.

Maybe the resulting measurement revolves around the amount of clutter you have nearby. Not in the hoarding sense, but more in the control of space. It’s not a minimalist attitude, rather, you understand what you need and discard what you do not need!

One last thought.

I read an article about a family who lived and traveled the world by sailboat. I’m not sure I could do this, but the adventure sounds exciting! With all the ports of life, and the limited space available, a conscious decision was made to never add anything to their boat without something being taken away. This saved them from clutter, and from spending money just to have a souvenir. Hmmm…

Could it be that simple? Know the limitations of your world, refuse to clutter life with excess, live within the framework of need over wants, and practice, practice, practice being in control of your self!

How do you practice self-control? Care to share? I would love to hear from you!