I’ve said this for years, because I’ve practiced it for even longer, “To connect with someone (anyone) you simply need to be willing to open your mouth and speak!” I’m not sure why some struggle with this as it comes so very naturally to me.
Someone recently sent me an email on “Conversation Starters” and I will admit, there were some items I may have missed, but I generally start all conversations with anyone using one of these opening lines. (Mark, thank you for your list!)
- Where are you from originally?
- It’s Friday, right?
Of course, I’m sensitive enough to know the first question may put some on guard because they’re not from around here, but I always use it to my advantage. “I’ve always wanted to go there!” or “Hey, I went there once! Fascinating place! Tell me about your experiences there!!!” or “I’m not sure I know where that’s at!” or “I have a friend from _______ that sounds like you could have been neighbors!”
If they are from the local area, then you act so surprised because it seems like everyone is from somewhere else!
To the second question, it could actually be their Friday when it’s my Monday! With all the hours that retail workers keep, you never know when it could actually be their “Friday” and they are generally looking forward to some time off! Wish them well!
Through the years I’ve waded through the waters of the answers to my questions and I’ve had some really great experiences and stories to tell! Let me share three examples!
Alaska: A family visited our church, and while visiting with them afterward, she finally asked, “You’re not from around here, right?” My question was being used on me! So, I shared my history and she said, “I used to go to Texas to visit my grandparents!” Through a Q&A session, I realized her grandparents lived right across the street from some longtime friends at the end of a shell graveled road, next to a drainage ditch, and I even told her the name of the street! It shocked her badly! I knew something about her world! She knew something about my world! And we had just met!
Washington: A lady from a title company was delivering some documents and we visited at my desk about why we were in this Evergreen state. The Q&A led us to the same neck of the woods with experiences that showed we knew some of the same people. When I mentioned where my brother pastored and who his father-in-law was, she literally swooned! I thought she was going to slide out of the chair and become a puddle on the floor! She used to take her kids to that church for Sunday School! And she rented a house from the same family!
We should never be surprised that we can have connections with total strangers! All it takes is considering a question to ask and be ready for the answers!
Well, just a week ago, it happened again. Buying some things at a local hardware store, the floor sales person kept looking at me as if he wanted to chat a little deeper. We were tired, and it had been a long day. My bride was ready to go home and kick back and rest for an hour or so before bedtime… Did I say long day? Well, the Q&A began and I found out as a much younger version of himself that he went to the United Pentecostal Church in Olympia and was pastored by they Runyon’s. I never met Pastor Runyon, but his bride was in my church for a number of years and I preached her funeral! She was 93! I have a prized possession from the Runyon’s, it’s a little song notebook of his from back in the day!
Small World!
The reality is we need to step out of our small world and experience the bigger stage of life. When you keep your head buried in your phone, your ears covered with noise cancelling headphones, and your eyes averted from others, then you will go through life without ever learning the value of making connections!
What I’m describing cannot happen on social media because we seldom meet random people on our keyboards! It’s invading the spaces of the world around and making the opportunity to allow for discussions that lead to connections. Several studies identify that the person initiating the conversation is often the one who enjoys the dialogue the most. [Source] Think that one through!
Let me give you a scriptural example. It’s after the crucifixion and resurrection. There are two traveling to a village called Emmaus, and Jesus drew near to them and walked with them. Their eyes could not comprehend who they were walking with, but in a little while, Jesus asked them a question, “What’s your conversation all about? You seem to be so sad!” They replied, and Jesus used the opportunity to teach them about the Messiah beginning with Moses and the Prophets. At the end of the day, Jesus would have kept going, but they “constrained” him to stay with them. Finally, their eyes are opened to who they have been conversing with! “Did not our heart burn within us while He talked with us on the road and while He opened the Scriptures to us?” [Luke 24:13-35]
Notice something here… Combined travel was normal, and people probably traversed together, as there was safety in numbers. They were walking, and not on a bus or train. Their customs probably encouraged communication and consideration for others. Jesus was interested in them, and they were interested in him, even though they did not know him. When they finally realized who He was, The Message translation record it like this:
At that moment, open-eyed, wide-eyed, they recognized him. And then he disappeared. Back and forth they talked. “Didn’t we feel on fire as he conversed with us on the road, as he opened up the Scriptures for us?”
(Luke 24:31-32 MSG)
I feel this every time I talk with strangers. I’ve learned something I did not know before! Since I have an inquiring mind, I love to learn new things from new perspectives.
Could you imagine walking the road with some great names of our past and having an understanding of their world and life that you probably never knew before? Which president would you most like to converse with? Spiritual leader? Relative from your past? An explorer? Business tycoon…(I actually woke this morning, and out of a vibrant dream sequence of having an opportunity to describe something to Henry Ford!)
When I travel to other countries I want to visit the everyday store (Groceries in Israel) and am not shy talking to someone about their world! In Scotland, I simply had to go through a hardware store! In Germany? Resale shop. Iceland? McDonald’s! England? A Pub’s crowded dining room upstairs above the bar. Why? Experiences broaden who I am and I want to experience the normality of someone else’s life!
Wouldn’t it be interesting to talk to Einstein before the Theory of Relativity became his hook to hang a hat on? Imagine sitting down with Stephen W. Hawking before his disease. How about those intrepid explores headed to space or that surety of a drop off space at the end of the world? Admiral Byrd? Oh, the questions and experiences we could come away with if only we would talk!
Consider this… do it even closer to home. Talk to your parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle, even a far-off cousin! How about a “coming of age” youngster? Ask them what they want to be, and then be ready for their “Surprise!” answer. A young man told me last week his idea of a perfect job was a Garbage Truck driver! He had thought it out and knew what he wanted at a tender age of 12! With Ancestry research becoming a national pastime, I want to connect with those that are way out on the branch of my family tree. Oh, the things I can learn!
Imagine what you would walk away with if you only took a moment to have that conversation that you previously would have shied away from!
Imagine… you only have book knowledge of life unless you are willing to open your mouth and chat with that complete stranger. You can find something interesting from someone you do not know, or someone different than yourself! Share on XWe live in a world that claims inclusion as it’s a slogan. Everyone is welcome, so they say, but is that the truth? Not really. The modern world is anxious for us to include them, but they don’t want to include us. In fact, this nebulous “they” are most interested in writing us off their welcome list. They want to abandon travel to your state or even reject you for your religious peculiarity because they are really interested in exclusion.
I realize that I may never comprehend where others are at, or where they come from, but I do not let this stop me from talking to them via one of my opening questions.
In my world, I even carry this further. When calling Customer Service and chatting about a need, I generally always ask where I’m reaching them at, as in, which city, state or country are you located in. I’m not shy about this! My local telephone company has sold and merged several times since we moved here, and the last support location was in Conroe, Texas! Imagine the surprise when the Customer Service Rep could connect with someone in Washington who knows about life where they live!
Recently, I found out that my web hosting site had support help in the Caribbean Islands and they were able to work from home! Imagine that! Get a job working from your desired place to live and be able to talk to strangers from around the globe! What a job!
Here’s your assignment. Yes. I know. Some of you will never do this. You’re too shy, or you’re too private. But to put a little Dr. Seuss to the assignment:
“I’m telling you this ‘cause you’re one of my friends.
My alphabet starts where your alphabet ends!”
~Dr. Seuss
Try it. Practice it. Do it with someone in your social group if you need to try it out on someone you already know, but then find a stranger in the line where you shop, the mechanic where your car is being serviced, the technician that shows up to work at your home. I’ve done this with everyone and am not afraid of anyone, at least when it comes to asking the question… It’s Friday, right?!!?
One last major thought on this, and it comes from a phone conversation this morning. When our “club, church, business, culture, national interest” is only interested in “us” then we close out the remainder of the world who is not “us”. But when the view of “others” becomes our focus it’s often easier to find similar ground where great connections can happen and it often begins with a conversation starter question.
Caution:
Be ready for rejection.
Some are not very enlightened and they think you’re snooping so you can report a violation to someone in authority.
Maintain confidences and do not blab about the Scoop of the Day!!
Maintain one another’s self-esteem, for, after all, you did not grow up sitting with your feet under the same table!
When you’ve tried it, share the results with someone! Store up the memory for the future. Express your joy of learning something about others! Remember my caution above. Protect your sources! All of this will make you a better person. I know. I’m better for knowing these three examples I’ve shared and I don’t even remember their names.