Who Defines You?

Who Defines You? It’s a valid question. We would know the answer if we spend time thinking about it. Who established the definition of “you”? Think about your role models, mentors, coaches, parents, friends, even family dynamics come to mind.

If it’s true we are a sum total of our connections, I would ask next, what defines you? If not who, then what?

It’s like soda… Growing up was often defined by those things we liked and don’t like … No watermelon allowed in my world and essentially no off-brand attempt of soda. When younger, we called everything “Coke” – like, “Dad, I want an orange Coke.” I never remember using words like soda or pop… No. Everything was a Coke.  (Even my wife agrees to this memory!) Of course, I was greatly impacted by a grandmother who thought of Coke as the best beverage you could have instead of water, tea or coffee!

Still, there were and still are, things we recognized as being in the same class of a generic name, or by the first item popularized so that the name became the generic word we used. Cars. Candy bars. Cereal. Penny candy. Finger foods. Xerox. Bandaids. Lifesavers.

The words we use to define our source easily limits our understanding of the world around us. I had never heard of “soda” or “pop” as the generic and common word until my adult life! Think about it. What words limit your perception of the world?

Even our culture limits us in some areas. I met a New Yorker who worked hard at minimizing speech patterns that put him at a disadvantage in some areas of life. He just wanted to be known by who he presented himself to be and not by some accent that might put him in a neighborhood of another state.

Since I’m from Texas, most non-Texas visitors think everyone there might wear cowboy boots… To my knowledge I’ve never owned a pair! Their too confining! Just like everyone thinks if you live in Alaska you must know everything about igloos, dog sleds and polar bears. Ha! Ask someone you know from Alaska the last time they built an igloo or saw a polar bear! Now, dog sleds are a different story as they are great winter time events to follow.

We are even limited by the distance our imagination takes us, even by imposed boundaries whether they come by authority or other limiting parameters. I’ve seen pictures of Petra, but until I visited it for myself I never understood the history that just announced itself into my mind. And I have a very vivid imagination.

I analyze this deeper when I consider how I act around certain kinds of people. You know, polished, professional, or intimidating personalities. Bill Gates is two days younger than my bride, and he is from my birth year but I’m older by nearly 10 months. His background puts me at a distinct disadvantage were I ever to get to sit and visit with him. We would not have much in common.

Think about it. What would it have taken for me to become what he is today? I cannot even fathom the thought. It’s not that he’s smarter than I, but his experiences and opportunities outpace anything I have done in this natural world. He wrote an article for the Wall Street Journal that got me thinking about our difference. (Read Here) If I were influenced by close association with him, then I’m sure we would have more in common. It’s never happened! I’ve just been a Microsoft proponent since the early days of DOS.

I asked an intelligent friend if he ever gets tired of how others treat him. Answer = Yes. He would like to just enjoy knowing others! Imagine, Superman… What kind of friends could he have? Only other “super heroes”?

Here’s my thought today. Peter and John were hauled before the highly trained religious court after a lame man was healed (Read Acts 3-4). Peter stood in Solomon’s Porch and preached to the crowds. He declared Jesus to them, who had recently been arrested, found guilty, crucified, buried and then miraculously arose. There were 5,000 men in the crowd and his influence was greatly felt!

Of course, they were not favorably viewed by the religious leaders! They were arrested and held overnight until they could be addressed by the “high court” of religious leaders.

“How did you do this?”, they asked. Peter tells them, “It was Jesus!” Essentially he repeated and enlarged his thought from yesterday to a new audience today. How were they received? Here’s an answer to that.

Now when they saw the boldness of Peter and John,
and perceived that they were unlearned and ignorant men,
they marvelled;
and they took knowledge of them,
that they had been with Jesus.

Acts 4:13 KJV

Their boldness was parameterized by the perception they were unlearned and ignorant, essentially men who had no religious training other than what was common for all children from those days. But they noted, these were two of the closest followers of Jesus. His inner circle. Loved and favored. Commissioned for great things.  Think about it:

• Do you ever feel like someone is talking about you? How does that make you feel? Devalued? Belittled? Puzzled and confused?
• When needing to survive from a disaster, do you want a brainiac or a McGyver?
• Are you categorizing yourself, or others, by imposed parameters that corral a person based on some internal view or limitations?

Is someone doing the same to you what you are doing to them?

Darren Hardy tells the story of a man who changed his perception of the world around him. Instead of believing that everyone was out to destroy or belittle him, his view was that everything was conspiring to “help him“. He would imagine the welcome he would receive when he entered a business, or set across the table from a potential client, and that his product was the most sought after miracle desperately needed.

With that changed perspective, he marched into the future.

To this day no one has sold more personal development material than Paul J. Meyer. Two billion dollars worldwide!

Darren Hardy

Have you ever watched how people enter a crowded and unfamiliar situation? I am sure that I have fallen into these three categories at one time or another.

• The shy approaches the room and hangs on the back wall looking from afar.
• The fool approaches it as if everyone there were present because of him, gladhanding everyone as if they were only waiting for his appearance.
• The wise realize that everyone has potential value, and all needed something and possibly what you had to offer was exactly what was needed.

A long time ago I realized I need not give someone power over me, even though they may have something I want or need. At the time I learned I do not want to have power over everyone around me. I strive to live like that every day! When someone is in need, I”m either on guard or striving to help however I can. I’ve had a prayer that’s been mine for decades. “God put someone in my path closest to eternity and let me make a difference.” This changes my outlook of the world around me.

Hence, I walk into hospital rooms unafraid or timid – I’m there because of a need, and I have a God who can help. I can stand before my church confident that I have a message that God gave me that someone in the room needs. My presentation may not be delievered as confidently as I feel, but I know I’m not wasting my time even when some appear to be asleep or distracted.

Who Defines Me? What Defines Me? It’s not about me. It’s about my relationship with Jesus, and with that I still struggle with being my own worse enemy. I may not fit in everywhere, but I suppose the same could have been said about Jesus himself.