We are a victim of how we think about life. Maybe the victim mentality shows up in force when the situations we deal with are not the same old thing, day in, day out. When we face something new, strange, daunting or even downright fearful, we scramble through our toolbox of experiences to determine how to address the situation. Quick. Respond this way! No. That way! Wait! Freeze like that deer but don’t look at the headlights!
We are victimized by our minimal or excessive aggressive action, or we dip into our learned responses and pray that we have trained well enough to handle the moment! The danger is when our reactions do not help us through the action of the moment.
In my personal life, I can be a very active and progressive thinker when it comes to things happening to me right now. I may be an aggressive driver to get from Point A to Point B, but I’m always scanning the road, looking at the drivers around me, and considering my reaction to the moment so that I will not be surprised into depending on my reflexes to get me out of trouble!
But sometimes, it’s your reflexes that save you!
When it comes to dealing with others, then I find myself more passive and thoughtful. Maybe there are some immediate reactions based on another person’s presentation, but I have trained myself to recognize:
- I have no clue where the other person is coming from.
- What is the backstory that brought them to this moment?
- Where do they think they are going?
- And, what on earth do they think they are doing!
Years back I hired a lot of workers and always try to see past the surface. It’s more difficult today when you have to look past the outlandish and almost clownish decorations someone paints themselves with, but regardless, this only makes you take your time and dig deep to find out who’s underneath, where did they come from, what is their backstory, and where do they think they are headed!
Sometimes our thoughts and words do not line up to our actions and reactions. Our facial expressions do not protect us from what we are thinking. Our non-verbal clues speak louder than we think possible, and we let our reactions rule how others see us.
I was thinking about Jesus, and where several times the Gospels describe how he “knew their thoughts”. Their actions, words, non-verbal clues, well, they probably spoke volumes, but what was rattling around in their brain pan shouted their true feelings. Actions brought a deaf, mute and demon-possessed man to Jesus. Some may say reaction, but I think it was a planned response where Jesus healed the man. There. Done. No FanFare. No healing line. No anointing oil. Nothing. Done. Healed.
Could it be this is the Son of David? The proferred Messiah? The one we’ve been dreaming about for generations? Or is he a demon himself? Jesus could hear and sense their words by their reactions, but scripture says he Knew Their Thoughts. (Matthew 12:25) Armed with his knowledge he challenges them with his words. Their thoughts swirl like a tornado dancing over the flatlands, but they are not convinced. Their aggressive thinking leads them to stand against him harder. True. There will be some who will be his friend over a span of time, but right now everything they say and do represents their aggression.
Here’s my thought. Sometimes we “step back” from a presentation and have to deal with it over time. I may not agree with the outward flow of the presentation, but substrate there may be a positive position in life that may be salvaged from the outward expression of loss. We are saved from the inside out. Anyone that looks right on the outside can be full of dead men bones on the inside, as spoken by Jesus
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness. Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness. (Matthew 23:27-28 NKJV)
Look at the outside all you want. Judge with your toolbox of preconceived and planned responses. But a passive thinking process will take you deeper into the situation without judging too quickly, or harshly. Focus on being passive and non-judgmental, because, as I’ve learned all too well through the years, you will only drive the situation deeper into the corner of holding on and becoming more outlandish.
Your reactions often make it worse than before.