While making some business rounds yesterday I stopped off in a Starbucks to think, write, and basically check in with the news round to see what’s happening in the world since I left the house. (Thought: Though I put tags on every blog post, do hashtags work in the body of my work? #Starbucks) It’s not that disaster may have struck the world as a whole, but we all know that struggles exist on many fronts and sometimes you simply have to know what’s happening to know if you are impacted.
I’ve been in this Starbucks before so I knew the parking lot would be cramped for my big truck, but with patience, I can get myself parked with success.
So. I sit with my cup of Grande Blonde Americano, no room, thank you very much. I peruse my email, and social media, make a few notations and responses and make a little adjustment to the seating arrangement. I wished it were cooler in the building. I would go outside but too many tailpipes are just inches away from the sidewalk seating area. I’m not a smoker!
Alright. I’m now ready to write. This includes having some old-fashioned writing paper to take notes on the side as I keep my focus on my writing. I keep making changes to the style of paper, and if I could find the right kind that I like, then I would buy it in bulk!
Again. All things are ready to write, but before I do, I take special note of the others sharing the same workspace. Several older folks enjoying a late lunch with coffee, a couple of students with their faces buried in their smart devices, someone who may be facing a struggle in life sitting in a nearby corner with their head bent with a weary look, and a younger couple working on some business material to my left.
Here’s the thing. For the most part, this moment is all mine. My focus. Thoughts. Musings. Prep time. My time is spent on what I like to think about. But the young couple next to me is so nice to everyone in the shop I cannot help but pause and pay attention to their connections to the patrons.
- Can I get you something to drink? OJ? Sure! You got it…and he bought some bottled OJ for the man facing struggles, cornered with his back to safety, facing the world with a dark-looking face. Out of his own pocket, he offers and treats a stranger!
- Can I share this workspace? He asks me, and we have a pleasant repartee of making sure we support each other need for space.
- Can I get you something to drink? To the lady who just drove up to spend some time working with him, he grabs their food and makes a pleasant space for them to work.
- How’s your day going? Again. He speaks to me in the most outgoing fashion. Reminds me of me when I’m ready to engage others.
- She speaks to me. Have you ever tried coffee beans dipped in chocolate? Dark chocolate is the best! Of course, and if I’m not careful I’ll tell her the first time I saw this was on Kodiak Island in Alaska. Back in 1996 or so as I was headed to my sister’s island to spend a few days hunting.
And I pause. Think. Write. Re-think. This thought arises among the many. I know that this young man is the epitome of what we should all be like in a place where we do not know everyone. Out of his pocket, he spends money on others, and out of his obvious good manners, he speaks positive things to everyone around him. Kind. Thoughtful. Friendly. But not obtrusive. Ready to engage if the response is just right.
Why can we not be like this all the time? Too easy we let the weight of our moment keep us from connecting with others. Why? We don’t want to be bothered, inconvenienced, or think what we need to spend our time on is more important than addressing others. We do this when we are in need of personal space and quiet time, you know, my book is more important than your conversation. We do this in crowded situations. We do this when the other person has a friendly-looking face that seems to want to chat our hour away. We even do this when it seems the other person is needy, whiney, and a big ol’ pain in the…
Well, you get my drift.
This is my morning thought. It ranges historically to Jesus dealing with the woman at the well in Samaria. (John 4) He could have been silent but he engaged her in a deeply theological and life-revealing conversation. It ends up with Jesus walking on the road to Emmaus after his resurrection. (Luke 24) He joins two already traversing. Maybe for safety. Maybe for companionship. Or may make a difference in the timeline of eschatology. But it’s wrapped deeply in the outgoing manner and style of his outreach to others. Remember how he stopped on his busy day in Jericho and conversed with Zacchaeus in a tree who had climbed it to see the passing of Jesus. (Luke 19) Zacchaeus was shorter than others, so, perhaps his normal lookout point was higher in a tree…but Jesus not only conversed with him, he invited himself to Zacchaeus’ house!
Jesus teaches by these three examples, and it’s my conclusion, that we should use our cross connection to others to make an impact in someone else’s life.
Too often we don’t want to engage in conversation, much less eye contact, because this will commit us to another person. That beggar on the side of the road…no, I have no money so what do I do for someone who is looking? Ignore them. This gets to be a habit and we find it easier to do all the time. Ignore them. Which is easier? Giving them a buck that may satiate an immediate need, or converse with them and find out why they are there, what’s going on in their lives, and what is they really need? So. We give them some pocket change. There! I’ve helped someone!
Imagine this being the habit of the waiter in our favorite restaurant!! We try to catch their eye, we motion with our head, raise our hand, and short of raising our voice, we indicate…I need something! Of course, we can complain to management, write a bad review, vote with our pocketbook, or simply make an ugly scene. See. We don’t like being ignored!
I’ve made conscious decisions to communicate with writers of tweets, blogs, postings, and articles when I find something to be said about their work. I reserve my comments in the positive and thought-provoking vein knowing there are plenty of others who only rant and rave about the negative side.
Most of us need a response to know that what we are saying is impacting the audience. Right?
While driving and a car comes to a stop sign and looks like they want to pull out in front of me and impede my progress, and then they surprise me when they make the smarter decision to let me go first, I ALWAYS wave my hand to them is a gesture of gratitude. Thank you for not slowing me down! When that truck pulling an RV pulls over (or school bus) and allows the stacked traffic to get around them. Ditto. Wave some gratitude!
I’ve watched people “go the other way” when it seems like they are going to be inconvenienced. We’ve all done this. And have had it done to us. See. It’s a two-way street. Others feel the same way about you! Just like you sometimes feel about them!
Perhaps we need a sign, a motion with the hand or head that simply says, “I acknowledge you but don’t have time to engage. Let’s connect up later. Okay? Thanks!”
Then… Make an entry in your “To Do” list and make a point of connecting with the person via a less intrusive method or time. Email always works for me, and a reminder in a few days if I did not respond to the first email. After all, life happens to get in the way of our conversational needs and we sometimes need to be reminded. Gently.
I paused for a moment just now to heed my own advice. I responded to a text from a friend concerning a memorial service in Houston, and to another email regarding a special event coming up shortly…at the same time I’m still waiting on others to get back to me regarding answers to questions.
Technology has a way of helping us stay connected, but it also becomes the panacea of all things and fails to do the thing we wish it could – make a personal connection! Facetime, Skype, Webinar’s, Emails, Social Media…all connect us instantly around the world, but there are times it’s good to breathe the same air as another.
Maybe it’s time to carve out your busy mind to make room for someone else to chat with. Even the stranger sitting at the table right next to you. Go ahead. I double-dog dare you!