It may be a cultural thing, perhaps even a gender thing, but we all have different ways of handling the slights, barb, and arrows we receive…and give. You know what I’m talking about. Say something, and before you realize it, someone takes offense. You hear something about yourself and your blood boils!
When we do something wrong and know that it is wrong the moment it is done, the best thing to do is to ask immediately for forgiveness. Scripture has taught us that we cannot be forgiven if we fail to forgive others. (Matthew 6:15). But apologies are generally something different.
It’s true, you may utter the words:
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me.”
Humble pie and eating crow may have you saying the words, and both statements are equally important! I’m Sorry… Please Forgive Me…
Forgiveness Equation: Asking for forgiveness is the second part of the equation, admitting you were wrong, well, that’s the first, and often the hardest part of the equation. Especially if you are not wrong. Share on XBut what if you are not wrong? Put that in your pipe and smoke it! (In other words, think it through!)
Why Is This So Hard?
Why do we struggle saying we are sorry? Do we mean it? Or is it something we have just been conditioned to say?
Learning we are wrong is often a long process of life. How to deal with it can even be a longer process. Since we all process differently, remember this, you will not change others but you can change yourself!
Equally, just because someone says we are wrong, then my analytical mind asks, “Who gave you the right to say I’m wrong?” Your perspective says one thing, mine says another. From your perspective, you see right and wrong, but from mine, well, I see a version that might not equal yours.
One may say you never want to put yourself into the hands of another who has the power to forgive and remembers the slight.
Although, it’s an acknowledgment of something we said or did wrong, even though we may not have seen the wrongness at the time, even if it takes a while for it to be considered a slight.
Too easily we find offense where none was ever meant!
Think it Through
Perhaps the greatest challenge we face is thinking of the need to apologize and recognize it shows a character flaw. We struggle with flawed life time and again. We all have flaws! Imperfections that mar and weaken the very fabric of our identity. Remember my blog post, “Popbody’s Nerfect“?
How do we address this?
“Quickly” would be the right answer! Recognize the wrong and work hard to make it right. Otherwise, everything else you do is doomed to failure! An apology not given or received is like the Sword of Damocles hanging over our heads. It will not take much of another such occurrence to cause it to come crashing down!
But here’s something very important to note: Learning to give and receive an apology is one of the most critical skills we need to be right in our relationship with God!
Spiritual Application
In his Sermon on the Mount, and in that portion of scripture where we learn the “attitudes” that we are to “be”, Jesus teaches us that anger is a real danger, in the immediate world, as well as our eternal affairs. He sums up his teaching with action, and perhaps we need to learn how to act quickly when we have done something wrong!
Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
(Matthew 5:23-24 NKJV)
It’s easy to say, “I didn’t know…” and this is often the truth. But once we are aware, then our job is to clear the air. It is a hard lesson to learn. This is where we acknowledge another’s feelings about you. Their feelings are their own. They may be wrong, but they are their own…
Hmmm. What if we hear about other’s feeling second or third hand? This happens, and perhaps we should not take it lightly. Hearsay, rattles of tales, and perceived slights…
Regardless, we should learn to make it right before presenting our gift. If it is possible to do it! If it’s impossible, then the Lord’s Prayer covers this from both directions.
And forgive us our debts, As we forgive our debtors.
(Matthew 6:12 NKJV)
If you cannot make it right, then simply learn to forgive.
It’s A Two-Way Street
It’s a two-way street, and I cannot say enough about this! Ask for forgiveness for the mistakes you make, and forgive others for their trespasses as well. You may never “make things right” because you come from multiple angles of life, but saying the words are important.
“The ability of a person to atone has always been the most remarkable of human features.” (Leon Uris)
Perhaps the greatest lesson to learn is two-fold.
First is the sincerity required to show your true feelings of remorse. “I’m sorry I hurt you.” Second, there are lessons learned that will help you make better choices in the future. Even if the neutral ground is never reached. That’s always a fact of life. Sometimes we never heal.
An equation worth remembering, but even if it’s just you then you do not have to worry about anyone else because their path of life is a process. They may not be where you are… Be okay with that.