This morning I wanted to continue a thought from another blog when I asked, “Who’s Listening?”
For anyone who knows anything about Seattle, there is a fictional radio doctor with a Harvard degree who opened his call-in show with the phrase, “I’m Listening”…. He was a mental health professional (Psychiatrist, I think) and had a job solving the woes of people who would call in and talk about their problems in a public arena. Perhaps you know Frasier Crane.
Sometimes Frasier was good at his job… Sometimes not…
I woke this morning thinking about hard sayings we struggle with. You know. “I’m sorry. Forgive me. Please. Thank you.” And Frasier’s opening line to a caller made me realize how hard it is for so many of us to sit back and simply say, “I’m listening.”
Most of us listen and our mind speeds through our potential responses. We are often failures at hearing the entire story, or the real reason the story being shared.
This is true for many of us, we do not listen to understand, we listen to give a response.
Our listening skills are often there to simply give a response instead of listening to understand. Share on XA person trained in therapy is not there to give solutions, or so I’ve been told, rather, they are there to ask revealing questions that will guide to solutions of our own making. They help us come up with our own solutions.
In fact, a therapist may ask you something like, “Why are you here?” Your response could easily be, “I don’t know, you tell me.”, to which the therapist replies, “Sorry, it doesn’t work that way.”
And that’s a hard pill to swallow.
What Do You Want To Do?
Most of us want to give solutions, not a guiding hand. “If it were me…. blah, blah, blah.” Most of us want to solve things the way we see it, and not allow the person to follow their own lead.
Prince Harry revealed that he finally sought therapy to help him get over the death of his mom, Princess Diana. [Source] In one local radio talk show while talking about Prince Harry, it was revealed that each of the talking heads (KIRO 97.3) had experienced, previously, or were currently in counseling or therapy (each felt differently about the word usage).
Who’s listening to you?
Who pays attention to you? Your questions? Your confusion? In a recent conversation, someone was trying to get a word in edge-wise and everyone kept trouncing their opening remarks with their own questions and thoughts.
Yep. You are expected to listen to everyone else, but no one listens to you!
Since my deeper study has been around the bible and theology, I looked through some writings dealing with the questions, answers and listening styles of various persona’s.
One study of the gospels suggest that Jesus was asked 183 questions and only answered 3 of them. He was not the “answer man” we all think of him as. Rather, “he modeled the struggle, the wondering, the thinking it through that helps us draw closer to God. The Result? A better understanding, and not just an answer. This was one of his profound gifts for a life of faith.” [Source]
I would like to think that the way Jesus handled questions are the way we should handle questions. Listen. Guide the conversation so that the person asking has the ability to realize the answer on their own. Too often, we feel the question or thought is a personal challenge to our own views and we righteously defend, even to the point of drawing blood and ill feelings.
I know this has been my modus operandi
to some who would question.
Defend! Attack!
Why Do We Do This?
Perhaps it’s generations of examples that has taught us how to deal with questions. Or how to give answers. It must take years of training and practice to get good at dealing with the questions that people ask, or handling the problems they are presenting. Maybe that’s why future lawyers join the “debate team” – they have to develop quick wit and response mechanisms so as to not get overwhelmed in the courtroom.
Once again, I look to scripture and bring several areas of personal interest and study dealing with Jesus and the audience. Here are several thoughts about the questions between Jesus and his followers. I wonder who’s listening deep enough to respond appropriately to the question?
First
When Jesus came into the region of Caesarea Philippi,
He asked His disciples, saying,
“Who do men say that I, the Son of Man, am?”
So they said, “Some say John the Baptist, some Elijah, and others Jeremiah or one of the prophets.”
He said to them,
“But who do you say that I am?”
(Matthew 16:13-15 NKJV)
He asks a general question about his personal identity, and the disciples talk about it for a while. I’m sure it was not a simple answer, there was probably a lot of discussion and comparison of opinions. Then Jesus drills down a little deeper, “Who do you say I am?” Okay. I’ve heard you say what others think, now what do you think? Peter blurts out the proper answer that he suddenly believes in, and is rewarded with a leadership role in the new church.
Second
How about the conversation between Jesus and Peter after the resurrection, and just before the ascension? (John 21:15-19) Three times Jesus asks Peter if he loves him.
Three times Peter answers. Three times Jesus gives him a future job to do.
Each of the questions are subtly different in the original language. You would need to look at the words for Love, Lambs and Sheep to understand the questions, as well as the answers. Equally, you must know something about the times and how the words applied to Peter.
Summation: Jesus is asking one way, Peter is responding a different way.
In fact, Peter never responds appropriately to the question the way Jesus asks.
Here’s My Thought Today
If our actions speak louder than our words, then I wonder what your actions are trying to say about your life questions and choices?
Elijah was caught between a Rock and a Hard Place. Jezebel is after him and he flees. In a cave, God asks him a simple question. Why are you here? What are you doing? Elijah defends his situation.
…I have been very zealous for the LORD God of hosts; for the children of Israel have forsaken Your covenant, torn down Your altars, and killed Your prophets with the sword. I alone am left; and they seek to take my life.
(1 Kings 19:10 NKJV)
I’m alone. They seek to kill me.
In the next two verses, God leads the prophet to a mountain and shows the power of nature. Wind. Earthquake. Fire. (Hmmm… Sounds like a Rock Group!) But the Lord was not in the elemental forces of nature. Fear the storm, yes, but there is still a place to find God that is not there.
Where?
Then, a still small voice spoke. That’s where God was! The quiet natured God who could command the attention of the Universe is speaking. Quietly. You have to listen for him.
You. Must. Listen.
I just want those close to me to know, “I’m listening.” Help me do my work better and know that your are equally listening too.